


They say time is medicine

by thatgirlyeojoo



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moving On, Non-Linear Narrative, Past Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Post-Break Up, aka watching the one you loved fall in love with someone else, but it gets better somehow, i think???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29227986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatgirlyeojoo/pseuds/thatgirlyeojoo
Summary: It's totally understandable why someone like Choi Seungcheol would fall for someone like Yoon Jeonghan.(Totally understandable, Jihoon says, but in the dead of the night alone in his studio, he still writes song lyrics dedicated to Seungcheol.)
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 113





	They say time is medicine

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Seventeen's Don't Listen In Secret. Special thanks to imrnlyn for beta reading this! ❤️

The pair in front of Jihoon looks like they're advertising for some kind of life insurance. You know the thing─those videos where two people are happily enjoying life because they made the right choice early on in life and are now worry-free because their excellent insurance package will back them up whatever happens. They splash around in one corner of the pool under the sun, the background of rolling hills and greenery completing the picture. Their peals of laughter float all the way to where Jihoon sits wiggling his toes in the blue water. No one bothers the couple there as they live their perfect lives in their own little world with each other. 

(Maybe Jihoon should upgrade his life insurance, after all.)

The scene makes Jihoon's skin crawl with envy, wishing he's also in a similarly beautiful and committed relationship that will probably last a lifetime. Oh, the sense of security that gives! To be aware that you'll grow old with someone so in sync with you, who can finish your sentences and understand your thoughts before you could even speak them out loud, and basically have your back through thick and thin.

Seungcheol's all gums and heart eyes, and Jeonghan's giggling and squealing with delight at whatever's going on between them in their bubble. And it has been like that lately. Jeonghan is surrounded by a healthy glow that just gleams brighter wherever Seungcheol is concerned. He also hasn't seen Seungcheol that happy around anyone else.

Not even when he and Jihoon were still together pre-debut. 

"Where are you going?" Soonyoung emerges from the water, hair flat on his head.

Jihoon ignores the question as he stands up to return to his hotel room.

* * *

Jihoon was there first. He was the only other trainee with Seungcheol before Mingyu, Wonwoo, and Soonyoung came along, so naturally, they were best friends. Maybe he's a tiny bit more territorial than he cares to admit, but he likes to think he knows Seungcheol more than anyone else in the team. 

No one else had seen how the teenage Seungcheol cried while eating his ramen because he was exhausted and frustrated. No one had seen how Seungcheol stood up for him when the trainers were being too harsh on some kind of fucked up principle. No one knew the stories that passed between them in those early days, all the existential crises they had dumped on each other as they tried to make sense of what they were doing and why they were doing it. 

And back in those days, they were in love.

It was a secret how they held each other's hands when they were alone together, walking home after a long day at the "Melona" training room. All the comforting words and hugs; pretty songs sung for each other, disguised as part of learning how to moderate the voice or harmonise or whatever. 

It was beautiful. It made all the hardships seem bearable because they had each other. 

In the dark fire exit of the company building, Seungcheol planted a chaste kiss on his lips and smiled sheepishly because he said he had no idea how to do it─he just wanted to do it. But there it was, a kiss they both shared for the first time. 

When Seungcheol likes someone, it always becomes obvious no matter how hard he tries to keep it down, so naturally, the other trainees found out. The arrangement confused some of them first because _are we even allowed to do that?_ But it was the sign of their friendship that they accepted and were okay with Seungcheol and Jihoon dating in the end. (Even Jeonghan was supportive when he came along, although it was apparent with the way he looked that he was nursing a crush on Seungcheol too.)

As their debut drew nearer, however, Jihoon became more involved with the production, and Seungcheol became more busy with managing the team.

It was a mutual decision to end their thing to focus on their careers. Their dream was right in front of them, and it was up to them to keep it in their grasp. _No distractions._

"We can still grow with each other, right? You'll still be by my side?" Jihoon said, seeking reassurance even as the only thing that kept him stable was slipping away. _Please say yes, say you'll stay with me._

Seungcheol glanced at him through his long lashes. "Of course, Jihoon. Let's keep giving each other strength."

Jihoon leaned on Seungcheol's shoulder as they sat on the top steps of the stairs in the same fire exit they shared their first kiss in. 

"This is what we came here for, after all," Seungcheol said, and Jihoon nodded because he was right even though it hurt.

* * *

They still regard each other as a friend.

" _Best friends_ ," Seungcheol would always correct him. He'd further say the break up wasn't to end their relationship but to start a new and better life together as idols.

They are still able to look each other in the eye and work together. Jihoon makes the melodies and writes most of the lyrics, and Seungcheol pens and sings the demo for the rap parts. Sometimes, Jihoon would be stuck in the studio for who knows how long already, and Seungcheol would still be there to coax him out and take him back to the dorms or bring him food (with five cups of rice) and cans of Coke. 

"But hey, drink this water too, okay?" Seungcheol said, passing him a bottle. He flashed that beautiful smile that got Jihoon falling hard in the first place─the smile that comforts Jihoon to the core like home.

_It's all okay. It doesn't hurt anymore._

"And then finish up for the night. Early schedule tomorrow─uh, later," Seungcheol added, checking his wristwatch. "Wrap up by 2 AM at the latest."

"Okay, but Soonyoung wants to listen to the song for his choreography."

"Alright. Three AM then─and that's final. You'd still get three hours of sleep. I'll wake you last, so you could sleep a bit longer."

"Thanks."

_It shouldn't hurt like this anymore._

* * *

"Hyung, did you─hyung?"

It was Hansol who found him first after that conversation in the fire exit. Jihoon wiped his tears and snot in a rush, trying (and failing miserably) to look like it was a fine day in hell.

"Are you okay, hyung?"

He was clearly not, but he nodded anyway.

"No, that was a stupid question," Hansol said, inching closer into Jihoon's studio. 

Most of the lights were off, save for one lamp beside the monitor. Hansol took in the dismal atmosphere inside the room and the suppressed hiccups of his hyung. "Can I ask what happened?"

As soon as Hansol was within reach, Jihoon leaned his head on his dongsaeng's chest. Hansol's arms automatically wrapped around him, hands patting him placatingly.

"Do you want me to get Coups hyung?" Hansol asked innocently.

Jihoon chuckled bitterly. "We've just broken up. About, ah, half an hour ago."

"Really? Oh no…"

Jihoon's tears welled up again, creating a wet patch on Hansol's chest. The spot grew larger, and Hansol only hugged Jihoon tighter.

"I don't know how to react when people cry around me," Hansol admitted. "But you can just let it all out, hyung. I'll be here for you."

Jihoon nodded, crying harder than when Hansol first walked in.

It was a blessing that the studio was soundproof. Jihoon was nothing short of wailing, his broken sobs filling the enclosed space. Under normal circumstances, Jihoon would deem it embarrassing to present himself like this to his dongsaeng, but it was all he could do to relieve his chest of the physical pain he was feeling there. He lost track of how long he'd been crying, but he just went on until his chest felt lighter, until there were no more tears to cry, and Hansol stayed there with him. No words, no question, no judgment. And Jihoon needed that just so he could hold on to someone, to not feel like he had no one with him in his despair.

When Jihoon finally calmed down, Hansol fetched him a glass of water and rubbed his back. 

"Your eyes are swelling…" Hansol observed.

It certainly felt so. "You go ahead without me," Jihoon croaked, his throat equally sore. "I'll go when everybody's asleep."

"But─no, hyung, I'll stay with you─"

"It's okay, Hansol. Go on and rest. I want to be alone anyway."

Hansol stood, conflicted. "At least let me get you some ice or something."

"Thank you."

When finally he was on his own, it only became a battle with himself. He had to will himself to accept it all, to understand the reason behind the break up, to be okay with it come morning. Seungcheol was right, after all─their idol life is priority now, and getting involved with each other could not only put their careers on the line but also those of the members'. They could never afford to risk anything too close to their debut. It was something they knew all along even when they started.

_Breathe in, breathe out._

It's okay, Jihoon. You're made of tougher stuff than this.

_Seungcheol's not being an asshole; what he did is within reason, and you know that._

You agreed to it, didn't you?

_It should be fine._

Except it _wasn't_ fine. 

If there was any way Jihoon could rip his heart out of his chest, he would have done that already just so it would stop hurting.

He would miss Seungcheol. He would miss being the special person in his best friend's life, being at the receiving end and the centre of the older's affection. He would miss the touches, the hugs, and even the awkward kisses. They would drift apart for sure, but they would still have to see each other, live together, and work closely during the process. Jihoon knew that would tear him apart more than anything.

_"We have to be strong, Jihoon. Eyes on the prize. You're Woozi now. And I'm S.Coups."_

Jihoon nodded to himself and nestled on the couch, hugging a throw pillow to his chest. Without enough energy to walk all the way home and keeping in mind that the next day's schedule would start way after lunch, he decided to just spend the rest of the night there. At least that way, he could cry some more.

He faced Seungcheol the following day with a smile like nothing happened.

* * *

"Jihoon, this jacket looks better on Seungcheol than this sweater, yes?" 

Jihoon turns toward the voice; it's Jeonghan, holding up said items of clothing by their hanger in front of Seungcheol.

Of course, Seungcheol likes the more comfortable clothes. They are going to spend at least three hours on the plane, after all, and it will be bothersome to wear the leather jacket Jeonghan wants. But then, Jeonghan is right─Seungcheol would definitely look better in his airport photos wearing that leather jacket. Jihoon nods.

Seungcheol sighs. "You know what, let's just wear the hoodies we bought last time," he says, rummaging in his closet. He clutches a blue hoodie to his chest and pushes a matching purple hoodie on Jeonghan. "Alright?"

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. "Fine."

Jihoon doesn't know why he's still watching the whole thing unfold. It's no longer his business what Seungcheol wears and who he matches with. He takes his attention back to his carry-on bag instead, making sure he doesn't forget the sleep mask this time. Once he's double- and triple-checked everything, he heads out.

At that exact same time, Soonyoung comes out of the next room, wearing his red plaid shirt─which is exactly the same as the shirt Jihoon is currently wearing.

"The fuck?"

Soonyoung's eyes light up at this discovery. "Ohh, couple shirts!"

Jihoon rolls his eyes. "Won't you change your shirt?" he asks, exasperated.

"Why should I?"

"Alright then, I will," Jihoon says, stepping back into his room to change.

Soonyoung pouts all the way to the airport over Jihoon's black shirt. When they are handed their tickets, however, he's too pleased to see he and Jihoon are seated next to each other. "It's destiny right from the start," he quips, only to receive another eye roll from Jihoon.

"I'm going to sleep on the plane," Jihoon declares. 

"Okay," Soonyoung says, throwing him an eye smile. "I'll be quiet."

True to his words, Soonyoung has managed to keep the reactions to the movie he's watching at a minimum. He even gives his pillow to Jihoon. Cradling Jihoon's head carefully, Soonyoung adjusts the pillow under Jihoon's neck.

"You'll hurt your neck like that," Soonyoung whispers close to Jihoon's ear. The smell of his cologne hits Jihoon like a comforting wave.

Jihoon lifts the sleep mask on one eye and nods at Soonyoung. The extra pillow feels glorious under his strained muscle, so he mumbles a short thank you to his seatmate. 

The only time Soonyoung makes some noise is when he rouses Jihoon from sleep to tell him they are landing soon. For that, Jihoon is grateful too.

* * *

Jihoon has slept for at least an hour when the door opens. Joshua, his hotel roommate, enters, his hair still dripping from playing in the pool downstairs. 

"Sorry, did I wake you?" he asks, seeing Jihoon lift his head from the pillow.

"No, I've just been staring at the ceiling."

Joshua chuckles at that. "Well, don't let me disturb you."

Jihoon ignores the older as he changes out of his bathrobe into a more comfortable set of clothes. There's nothing particularly interesting about the ceiling, but he keeps staring anyway, letting his mind come up with melodies.

"Hey, do you mind if I turn on the hair dryer?" Joshua asks cautiously, ever so considerate. This is why Jihoon likes to have him as a roommate during trips.

"Not at all," Jihoon replies. 

The hair dryer creates a dull buzzing sound all over the room. Joshua must have asked something, but Jihoon doesn't catch it over the noise. "What?"

Joshua turns the device off. "I'm asking why you're up here," he says, resuming his hair drying.

"I─nothing. I just want to… to lie down? Be alone. I'm still tired after last night's concert. I really don't have energy for a swim today," Jihoon says evasively. 

No, he's not avoiding the couple. He just… cares for his mental and emotional well-being. That's okay, right? He's _not_ suddenly thinking of all the what-ifs and the ways he can deliver all of his feelings through a song (or seven). 

"Sorry─what?" Joshua asks over the buzzing dryer again, and for a moment, Jihoon thinks he has said all those mental explanations out loud. 

He sighs. "Either you talk to me, hyung, or you finish drying your hair. We won't hear each other."

Joshua smiles, eyes crinkly in his amusement and minor guilt. "Right!" He laughs some more before abandoning the hair dryer on the dresser. His hair is still damp and messy but no longer dripping. He sits on Jihoon's bed, his back against the headboard, and Jihoon automatically moves his head on his hyung's lap. 

For no reason. Or maybe he just wants some human contact. He feels so alone.

Joshua runs his fingers through Jihoon's hair. "Do you feel bad about how Jeonghan and Coups are acting right now? Do you want me to tell them off?"

"Huh?" Jihoon asks in surprise, lifting his head slightly to look at Joshua. "I─how did you─no need─"

Joshua smiles at him. "I might be wrong for assuming that, but I kind of notice the way you look at them."

Jihoon curls more in on himself. "H-how do I look at them?" he asks quietly.

"Well," Joshua hums, "for starters, you barely look at them. But when you do, there's something I can only describe as… what's the word…" He mulls on it for a while, and Jihoon dreads what's going to come. "Longing?"

" _Longing_?" Jihoon twists on Joshua's lap again to look at his hyung.

"Not sure if that's accurate, but you seem to be deep in thought all the time without noticing it. What have you been thinking about?"

Jihoon doesn't answer immediately; he moves to sit beside Joshua instead, hugging his knees. 

"So many things, I guess. Maybe my eyes just happen to land on them?"

Joshua doesn't say anything, but Jihoon can feel him smiling.

"I'll talk to them about controlling their PDA. It's also stressing me out especially when they're doing it during interviews and variety shows."

"Cheol's just…" Jihoon begins but doubts whether he could still say it, pretend he knows Seungcheol better than anyone. For the past year, they've talked about nothing but work-related stuff. None of the heart-to-heart discussion of their deepest worries or even the nonsensical chats about the stupid things they saw on the internet or the lastest snacks they've been obsessing on. Heck, they would have snacked on all those junk foods together secretly regardless of their diet restrictions if they're still together.

_If._

Now, there's only Jeonghan. Jeonghan this and Jeonghan that. Front and centre in his eyes─the same pair that used to look at Jihoon with so much affection. That affection is now directed at Jeonghan. 

Joshua looks at him inquisitively, urging him quietly to continue.

"Well, he's expressive. Everyone knows that. When he likes something─or _someone_ , for that matter─it would surely show in the way he acts," Jihoon explains. " _Everyone_ knows that," he repeats. 

_Yes, I'm not special for knowing that about him. I'm no longer special to him_ , full stop.

"Still, if it makes you uncomfortable, maybe he should recalibrate his actions?"

"No," Jihoon says quickly, waving his hands. "It's not his fault. He's just being himself. This is all on me."

They are quiet for a bit. Joshua simply ruffles his hair, testing how damp it is still. Jihoon plays with the fabric of the blanket around his feet and hugs his knees closer. 

"Jihoon-ah."

"Hmm?"

"Do you still─"

Sharp knocks on the door interrupt Joshua's question. Jihoon bounces off the bed to get it, only to be met with a blur of clothes and tight arms around him.

"Jihoon-ah!"

It's Yoon Jeonghan. 

"I'm looking all over the place for you!" he says before throwing Joshua a glare. "You're hoarding my Jihoon!" he accuses playfully. "Come, Woozi, we ordered pizza in Dokyeom's room!"

Jihoon hesitates, but his feeble attempts to deflect the invitation is drowned by Jeonghan's insistence. "I got you an extra can of Coke!"

"You're inviting him, but not me?" Joshua pouts. 

"Then come along," Jeonghan says.

The pair sandwich Jihoon between them and frog-march him down the hall to Seokmin and Jeonghan's shared unit. Jihoon often thinks the most dangerous place in the world is the space between Jeonghan and Joshua, but since the pair is leading him to food, it's not so unsafe this time. The smell of pepperoni pizza hits Jihoon before Jeonghan could even tap the key card. The door opens with a welcoming whoop from Seokmin and Soonyoung, who immediately scoots over to give a space for Jihoon in the bed. 

"Your Coke," Jeonghan says, popping the tab for him and offering the drink graciously.

Thankfully, Seungcheol is nowhere in sight.

* * *

The thing is, Jihoon _loves_ his Jeonghan hyung.

Jihoon recoils at most skinship since the break up, but he has never pushed Jeonghan away. If any, Jihoon initiates most of his contact with his favourite hyung. 

The older one takes care of him. Maybe it's Jihoon's desire to have an older brother figure complementing Jeonghan's wish to have a younger brother. Sometimes, Jihoon thinks Jeonghan's sister is lucky to have someone like him. But then, he realises Jeonghan is also a very real hyung to him even though their only bond is the contract under the same company and the identical rings around their pinkies. 

After Seungcheol, Jihoon can confide in no one but Jeonghan (about most stuff, anyway). Jeonghan is always physically there for him to catch his lolling head whenever he gets too tired during shoots and schedules. He's there to slip Jihoon some snacks or urge him to speak during interviews or help him manage the vocal unit during practice. 

Jihoon is always thankful to Jeonghan. He makes the atmosphere fun with his antics and creates an enjoyable work environment. Jihoon knows his hyung thinks of the team all the time, loves all the members sincerely, and works as a glue to keep them all together. And Jihoon─he'd like to keep Jeonghan by his side for as long as he could. 

It's totally understandable why someone like Choi Seungcheol would fall for someone like Yoon Jeonghan.

Jihoon could never hate Jeonghan for that.

* * *

A bag of takeouts lands on the desk beside Jihoon's hand, making him jump. He is so immersed in his work that he doesn't immediately notice the newcomer. He looks up and finds Soonyoung smiling down at him. "Dinner!"

Strange. By this time, it would be Seungcheol barging in the studio to bring food. It was never Soonyoung.

"I'm still busy, though."

"Alright, I'll just sit over there like a good boy and wait for you to finish. Then we can eat together."

Jihoon nods absently, pulling his headphones back on. 

An opened can of Coke thuds on the table next to Jihoon's hand this time, making him jump again.

"The heck?" he says with a glare, tugging the headphones off. "Thanks," he adds. 

Soonyoung grins at him and ruffles his hair before skipping over to the couch. 

It takes another three hours before Jihoon deems it okay to take a break. When he turns to the couch, he sees that Soonyoung is drooling on the armrest.

"Hey─"

Soonyoung slurps in surprise, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. "Did I fall asleep?" he asks, blinking slow.

"Did you wake?" Jihoon shoots back, and Soonyoung nods. "There's your answer," Jihoon smirks. He tosses Soonyoung a pack of wet wipes. "Gross. The armrest is going to smell."

Soonyoung smiles sheepishly. "Sorry. I'll spray Lysol before we leave."

Jihoon glances at the clock on the wall─10 PM. He shrugs. "Fine."

By 2 AM, Soonyoung hasn't made a single complaint about how long it's taking Jihoon. He simply lounges there, alternating between playing games on his phone, posting on the fan cafe, watching random YouTube videos, and taking a nap. He wakes up again, rubbing the other armrest vigorously with wet wipes, and rolls a chair beside Jihoon. He doesn't say anything.

"What," Jihoon asks when the silence becomes unbearable.

"Nothing; I'm just watching you work."

Jihoon ends up working until 6 AM. Soonyoung jerks awake from his slumber on the swivelling chair, surprised to find a small pillow lodged under his neck. After tidying the rubbish and spraying Lysol all over the place, the pair left for the dorm.

* * *

The party that followed their first music show win eventually died down. Most of the staff who celebrated with them already left, and the members who had little to drink and still had a bit of energy in them were helping tidy up the conference room. Seungcheol let his eyes scan the scene and immediately noted Jihoon's absence.

He sighed and made his way to the studio.

True to his suspicion, Jihoon sat there with his back to the door, editing yet another song.

"We just won. Maybe take a break for a bit?" he suggested after watching Jihoon in silence for a minute.

Jihoon gave a start and turned towards him. "All the more reason I have to work harder."

Seungcheol smiled because that was such a Jihoon thing to say. He wasn't wrong, of course, but there were times Seungcheol wished he'd rest for a bit. He walked close, dragging a chair along with him.

"Congratulations," Seungcheol said. "You worked the hardest for this album. You deserve the trophy."

Jihoon kept his eyes glued to the monitor, moving bars around the screen and tapping at his keyboard expertly. "Nah, it's all of our hard work, Coups," he said. "Hyung," he added the honorific as an afterthought.

Something pinched at Seungcheol's chest.

"It wasn't just me. It was a team effort," Jihoon continued.

"Still, congratulations."

"To us."

Jihoon was indeed very stubborn─both with work and in his opinions.

"You were right," Jihoon said after a moment of silence.

"What do you mean?" Seungcheol asked nervously, although he already had an idea what Jihoon was trying to say.

Jihoon's eyes dropped from the screen and stared at his lap. "About us. Breaking up."

This was the first time they talked about what happened. Seungcheol knew Jihoon was still harbouring hard feelings towards him despite acting civilly whenever they talk about work. They promised to remain friends, but they'd stopped acting like one. And he really couldn't blame Jihoon for it. He only hoped their situation would improve one day. "Looks like it."

Jihoon nodded. "We're achieving something. We made the right decision. We would have sent the team crumbling if we continued what we had."

"Jihoon─"

But Seungcheol couldn't proceed. What was there left to say? He stared at Jihoon, and the younger looked back at him with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

* * *

The door clicks close softly as Soonyoung enters, hair still dishevelled from practice.

"Where are the others?" Jihoon inquires.

"We finished the practice two hours ago. I was just dancing alone while waiting for you to finish work so we can eat together," Soonyoung says cheerfully. Jihoon can't remember asking Soonyoung to eat with him, but he's oddly touched by the gesture. He does have the habit of foregoing meals or eating at strange hours of the day, so it's a relief to eat with someone this time.

He doesn't even know when this tradition started. Seungcheol suddenly stopped coming to feed him or pry him off his computer. Which is also another solace for Jihoon's healing heart. (Seriously, it's been close to two years; he should be over this already.) Maybe Seungcheol senses his uneasiness around him even with the members, so he stopped seeking him alone. 

Jihoon misses his best friend, of course, but they need more space if they want to continue working together.

"What are you up to?" Soonyoung asks.

"I'm recording this demo for the vocal team," Jihoon says.

"Can I listen?"

Jihoon shrugs and grabs the mic. He gets into the mood of the MR playing and sings the first line.

_We're getting farther apart_

_Then I just need to catch you_

_So you won't get far_

_That should be enough_

Writing the lyrics of this one took Jihoon longer than he wanted to. It was simply too difficult to proceed when he tried to remember all the things he wanted to say, to express them all in a limited number of syllables to fit the music. He wanted the song to encapsulate all his thoughts into the song because it was meant for one person. _Him._

_But after time passes_

_Will I be able to forget everything?_

_When I look back_

_I'll listen to this song_

"Jihoon?"

He takes a calming deep breath as the chorus he recorded earlier plays, ignoring Soonyoung.

_I'm still, I'm still_

_Waiting for you, I'm not even tired_

_Although I'm getting scared_

_Still, I'm believing in time_

_Because everyone says it's medicine_

_Even if I'm a fool, when I close my eyes_

_Nothing changes─_

Arms encircle Jihoon as he breaks down completely. 

"Why the fuck am I still crying over this crap," Jihoon whines, pounding on his chest.

"Shh, shh," Soonyoung coaxes, holding Jihoon's hand away. He reaches over to turn off the music, and Jihoon's whimpers replace it. Soonyoung swivels the chair around and cradles Jihoon's head in his chest, allowing his friend to drench his shirt with tears. "There's no deadline to moving on, Jihoon."

"But he's fine, and I'm still not, and I hate it."

Soonyoung allows him to cry for who knows how long. Internally, Jihoon berates himself for being weak in front of his members. He can't keep doing this. He should've kicked Soonyoung out before he started recording. He shouldn't have pretended he could do this without shattering to pieces.

"I fucking hate it. I hate myself. Why am I so weak like this?"

"Shh, it's not weakness, Jihoon. Not at all. You're strong for continuing to love even though it hurts." Soonyoung's hand cups the back of Jihoon's head, caressing his hair comfortingly. 

"It hurts so much. It hurts," Jihoon sobs, bunching Soonyoung's shirt under his fingers. "I want this to stop hurting. I want to be able to look at him and feel nothing."

"I'd hate it if the day comes we simply stop caring about each other," Soonyoung replies after a beat of silence. "Shouldn't we always care about the members? Otherwise, the team would fall."

Jihoon has no response to that; Soonyoung is correct, technically speaking.

"But I get what you mean. Just don't rush," Soonyoung continues. "You said it yourself, Jihoon: time is medicine."

"How can I heal when I see him everyday fall in love with someone else? I just want to─" Jihoon pounds at his chest again, hard, and Soonyoung catches his fist before it makes more contact.

"Do you really still love him like that?" Soonyoung asks quietly. "Or do you just miss the feeling of being in love?"

His words bounce around the hollow chambers of Jihoon's head as he lay awake later that night, Mingyu snoring in the other bed. 

Loving someone and missing the feeling of being in love with them. Won't those two terms come hand-in-hand? How does one differentiate those concepts?

* * *

"I got you a sandwich."

"Thanks."

Jihoon and Soonyoung don't address the topic again. Soonyoung made excuses for his blotchy face that night when they came home and was met by Seungcheol in the living room. _Allergies_ , Soonyoung said, _but he took antihistamine already and just needed to rest_. Seungcheol, thankfully, ate that up and let Jihoon go without further questions. 

So Soonyoung has been coming into the studio like a mainstay, bringing all sorts of food for Jihoon and keeping him company through the night. At times, he'd fiddle with the tools and ask Jihoon all sorts of questions on how to do this and that, so Jihoon teaches him the basics. Soonyoung gobbles up every information like a good student and makes random messy beats for fun.

("What on earth is _that_?"

"That's the battle song of a pride of tigers heading out to hunt!"

"What the… here, make an adjustment on this one… remove this… this… and this… and… Actually, just─"

"─scrap the whole thing, yes."

The studio is then filled with the sound of their laughter.)

Jihoon, on the other hand, resolves to make himself even more busy and translate all his emotions into creative outputs. Some of the ballads he makes don't get the green light to be included in the next album, but he's satisfied enough to have let all the emotions out. This is how he comforts himself.

Admittedly, many songs are about Seungcheol. He makes obscure references, puts bits of himself sprinkled throughout the song, and leaves little messages for his ex.

_When I think of you_

_Laughing somewhere_

_I feel like I'm losing_

_I feel like an idiot_

He can't help it when his idea of love revolves on that one man.

As a creator, he only breathes out what he breathes in. His feelings and ideals are often disguised as chords and melodies. His music is the reflection of his heart.

_I rather wish that you were having a rougher time_

_I want you to think of me_

_Because it's hard_

_I want to be okay too_

It must be nice to be able to rid yourself of old feelings as easily as wringing a dish cloth dry.

Producing songs is Jihoon's way of doing that.

_When I close my eyes and count one and two_

_Before I know it, I'm asleep and_

_I look for you in my dream unknowingly_

_I think it's a lie that I want to forget you_

_No─_

_Maybe it's become a habit instead_

_I think I want to forget_

_Your name that I'm calling again even now_

Maybe that's what Soonyoung meant, after all. It's just a habit to keep looking for Seungcheol when truthfully, Jihoon wants to forget and move on. To be Woozi just as Seungcheol has become S.Coups.

* * *

Jihoon rushes out of the practice room as soon as he's been cleared of cleaning duties, no doubt heading to the studio. After playing around with Minghao and Wonwoo, Soonyoung follows. Before he can reach the door, however, Seungcheol stops him.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure, hyung. What is it?"

Junhui and Chan are the only ones left in the room to clean as most of the members have filtered out. Seungcheol leads Soonyoung to a deserted corridor before speaking.

"What's going on with you and Jihoon?"

Soonyoung chuckles. "That's too straightforward, hyung," he says easily. "I'm just accompanying him."

Seungcheol already knows that, of course. He's seen Soonyoung enter Jihoon's studio, more times than he can count in his fingers. And it seems like Jihoon is avoiding him.

Even after their break up, Jihoon still worked with him seamlessly. He'd bring Jihoon food and remind him to not work too late. When Soonyoung started spending more time with Jihoon, however, Seungcheol found less opportunity to interact with his best friend. 

The allergy excuse was a bit suspicious, but he just let it go because he knew Jihoon would have a good reason to want to avoid a confrontation.

"I feel like you're intentionally driving him away from me."

"What? No, hyung, of course not!" Soonyoung says with a laugh.

"What's going on, then?"

Soonyoung gets considerably serious then. "If you're someone who really knows Jihoon, you'd know he's still healing from your break up. Me staying with him gives him some space."

"It's almost two years."

"People don't move on in the same timeframe, hyung. No deadlines. But he'll be okay, I'm sure."

"Why you?"

"Why not?" Soonyoung shoots back. "I just happened to be there. So I decided to stay with him."

"And the allergy?"

"He didn't want to talk to you, so I made that up," Soonyoung admits.

"Was he crying then?"

"You have _no_ idea."

And that's it: he hates not having any idea about what is going on with Jihoon now. He used to be that person Jihoon went to first whenever he had problems. They'd talk about it while eating street food or just sitting side by side in the fire exit.

But that same fire exit is where things ended too, isn't it? Seungcheol called it because it had to happen. They knew it even before they started. They knew they would get to that point eventually because they couldn't risk their idol career. 

It is only recently that they can dare to enter relationships again. But Seungcheol's heart has started beating for a completely different person now. 

"Does he hate me?" Seungcheol asks quietly.

"I know he never hated you for what happened. He still sees you as his friend," Soonyoung says.

"But you like him," Seungcheol states. It isn't a question.

"I do. And what about it?" Soonyoung smiles. "I don't take advantage of emotionally vulnerable people, though. I am just here, waiting quietly," he adds. "And before you do the best friend pep talk, I assure you I will take care of him, hyung. If the time comes and he's ready, I won't hurt him."

"Please." Seungcheol holds out a hand to Soonyoung, and the latter takes it in a handshake. 

* * *

"Jihoon?"

Jeonghan pops his head into the studio. 

"Hyung. What is it?"

"Are you busy?" Jeonghan asks, slowly inching inside.

"Not really. Do you need anything?" Jihoon replies. "Please come in."

Jeonghan closes the door gently before approaching Jihoon's workspace. Jihoon rubs his face tiredly and turns off the monitor to give Jeonghan his full attention.

"It's about the demo for 'Don't Listen In Secret,'" Jeonghan starts warily. Jihoon has just distributed the copies to help the vocal team practice before they record the song. It's not like Jeonghan to be cautious over talking about their songs.

"What is it? Any problem with the demo?"

Jeonghan looks uncomfortable. "The song… is it about Cheollie?"

_Oh._

Out of all the things Jihoon can discuss easily with Jeonghan, the topic of Choi Seungcheol is not one of them. It's taboo. He blinks, swivelling his chair from side to side and taking his time.

"It is," he says finally.

"Jihoon…"

"Well, it _was_. Before. I wouldn't have included that anymore, but the management thinks it's good and wants to put it in the album. So, there," Jihoon says in a rush.

"Alright. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm doing great, hyung. Don't worry about it. I can deal with it─that song being _how_ I dealt with it," Jihoon says. 

"It must be weird to keep working with him. I know you started off as best friends, but now, I can see you two are barely talking except when it's about work."

"He's still my friend, hyung. We've been together the longest and shared the same dream. It is also for that reason we decided to call it quits," Jihoon explains. "I just need a little more time. I'm almost there."

Jeonghan lets out a deep breath. "Okay. Then, I'll leave it at that for now. You know that hyung is always here for you, right?"

"Of course," Jihoon says.

Jeonghan gets up to make his way back to the door, but the nagging thought in Jihoon's brain won't shut up. He needs his answers. "Hyung."

The older turns around with an inquisitive look.

"Do you… like Seungcheol?"

Jihoon meets his eyes, and there is something like fear in them.

Jeonghan used to be so wary around him. Back when they were still trainees, Jeonghan would talk informally to everyone except him even though he is younger. Later on, Jeonghan said that was because Jihoon intimidated him as the producer and one of the leaders. Jihoon told him to be comfortable around him, because despite the titles, they are ultimately in one team. They have grown close to each other since then.

That fear is back in Jeonghan's eyes, and Jihoon hates it. Regardless of their conflicts, he loves his hyung like a real brother.

Jeonghan hangs his head in what looks like shame. "I wanted to put off discussing this because you just said you still need time to move on. I'm afraid saying this would reopen old wounds."

"On the contrary, I think you telling me now would help me heal," Jihoon replies. 

"If that's the case, then, yes. I do like him. Ever since I came in as a new trainee."

Jihoon smiles in spite of himself. "I know, hyung."

Jeonghan seems surprised at that. "But I'd like to put it out here that I respected your relationship. I was genuinely happy for you. You looked great together. You were a wonderful pair─both as a couple and as leaders. And I was devastated when you said you had broken up because I saw just how hurt you were even when you tried keeping it to yourself."

Jihoon nods in acknowledgement. "You have been sincere about it all. But you know you don't need my go signal to be in a relationship with him, do you?"

Jeonghan gapes at him.

"Come on. I know you're close friends, and I have eyes. I see the way you look at each other. We used to have that connection, and now, he has that with you," Jihoon says. 

And wow, admitting that out loud doesn't feel as bad as he expected.

"You make each other happy. And I love both of you as my friends."

Jeonghan approaches him and squeezes him in a tight hug. 

* * *

Soonyoung is back at the studio. He got there even before Jihoon arrived, tinkering with the computer again. He struggles a lot with technology, but through Jihoon's patient instructions, he can navigate his way around the software now. Jihoon somehow feels proud.

"Oh hey!" Soonyoung greets him. "Practice finished early, so I went here as soon as I could. Where have you been?"

"I was in a─"

"─meeting, right. So, while I was waiting, I made this."

They spend the next half hour just laughing at the so-called music that Soonyoung produced. It is more like noise than anything, if Jihoon is completely honest (and he usually is), but it's considerably better than his earlier attempts. 

"You know what, I got this sample here that we can probably use."

Soonyoung bobs his head along with the track when Jihoon loads it up. " _Woo come in, come in_ ," he tries, gesturing in time with the beats. "That fits right in, doesn't it?"

"Yes," Jihoon says, amused. "We can actually write the lyrics to this one."

"Yeah?"

"Hansol and I started a little on this already, but you can write the rest."

_Have you heard of the Hoshi-Woozi combo?_

_If you haven't_

_Ay, Woozi tell 'em right now_

* * *

Just like that, a lot of the new songs Jihoon writes have become about Soonyoung.

_Sadness disappeared like snow melting_

_My tears that lingered on your clothes_

_All the times you protected me, thank you_

_If it's you, everything is okay_

_So come to me_

And Soonyoung does, every single time. Even before Jihoon can say anything. Soonyoung seems to be able to sense it when Jihoon is lonely or simply wants to chat. He has become a solid presence around Jihoon that it feels weird not having him around.

Jihoon likes it. He likes the warmth and sense of comfort that Soonyoung brings with him.

His heart doesn't feel as broken as before.

* * *

"YAHA!" somebody yells from the door, and Jihoon startles at the noise like a small cat. He turns around and sees Soonyoung standing on the threshold, arms spread out like a magician. "I knew it! You like wearing this shirt too much because we match!"

Jihoon is indeed wearing the red plaid shirt again, but so what? It's comfortable and warm. They will be on the road for about three hours for the photoshoot by the beach, and he doesn't want to stress over style in this situation.

Except Soonyoung is also wearing the same shirt and is currently twirling around in the room, making the hem flap. "We're wearing couple shirts!" he singsongs, much to Jihoon's chagrin.

"That's it. I'm changing into another shirt," Jihoon declares half-heartedly. He specifically picked this item while preparing his things last night. It goes well with his black undershirt, black pants, black bag, and black slides. The red really pops out nicely, doesn't it? Plus, what's so bad about wearing the same shirt as Soonyoung? Not saying it's cute, but, well, it has its charms. 

"Nooo! Come on, please don't change!" Soonyoung pleads. "Alright, I'll shut up about it─but only if you let me take our selca."

Jihoon sighs, stalling. "Fine."

They take the photo, and Soonyoung is over the moon about it. He keeps staring at his phone and smiling so wide his face could split into two. The selca boosts his already-high energy by at least seventy more percent. He flits into the rooms of the other members who are also still getting ready for the trip and showing the picture to them proudly. But true to his word, he doesn't say anything about the couple─no, the _matching_ shirts─again. 

That is, until they come out of the room together and are met by Seungcheol and Jeonghan sitting in the living room, heads together over Jeonghan's phone while waiting for everyone to finish packing their things.

Jihoon usually dreads it whenever this happens (and it tends to happen a lot lately), but Soonyoung slinging an arm around his shoulder somehow calms him down. "Hyungs! Don't we look adorable together?" Soonyoung declares.

The pair in front of them looks up, surprised. Then their lips spread into grins, synchronised like they practiced it. Or that's really just how well they complement each other.

"Yeah!" Jeonghan quickly agrees. 

Something bubbles inside Jihoon's chest and threatens to spill into a smile. He fights down the urge and rolls his eyes instead. "You said you'd shut up about it if we take a selca. Delete that photo now," he tells Soonyoung.

"Only if you catch me!" Soonyoung says before dashing out the door and into the hall.

Jihoon catches Seungcheol's eyes for a split-second and finds amusement there. He thought the interaction might ruin his day, make him sad again, but somehow, it feels okay? He feels alright. No boulders weighing him down. No tears brimming his eyes. Instead, there's only the butterflies fluttering about his stomach, and they're pulling him towards Soonyoung.

"The elevator's here, Jihoon! Come on!" Soonyoung calls from the hall. Jihoon shakes his head; they'll get noise complaints from the neighbours again for sure. He turns to the couple on the couch and jabs a thumb in the direction of Soonyoung's voice. "We'll be in the car," Jihoon says weakly.

"Sure. We'll follow in a bit," Seungcheol replies with a knowing smile.

Two years ago, Jihoon wouldn't have considered it. Just because he's started to feel okay now doesn't mean he'll rush into wearing his heart out on his sleeves again. He needs to take care of himself too and learn from his past experiences. But as his feet take him closer to Soonyoung, he's starting to think, _what if?_ It's a strange thought, but it also doesn't sound so bad. 

* * *

The members sit together in the conference room. They have just finished discussing their upcoming comeback. The staff have left, but the members stayed back as per Seungcheol's request. Now, they are watching him expectantly, but the leader seems too nervous to speak.

"So what is it, hyung?" Seungkwan asks. "We don't have all day."

"Right. So," Seungcheol begins. "As a team, we value transparency. And I am disclosing this just so everyone is aware."

Twelve pairs of eyes blink at him.

"Jeonghan and I are dating," he declares.

The room is silent save for the tapping of Seungkwan's pen against the tabletop.

"Guys, let's pretend to be shocked for their sake. Come on!" Joshua says, waving his hands around.

That's only when the members erupt into chaos. Seungcheol slides low in his seat, his ears a blazing red. Jeonghan beside him laughs heartily.

"Oh my god!"

"Wow!"

"We totally did _not_ see this coming!"

"Since when?" 

"I can't believe you are dating!"

Amidst the chaos, Jihoon slips out of the room. Jeonghan prods Seungcheol with his elbow and nods in the direction of the door.

Seungcheol excuses himself and follows Jihoon. He finds the younger in the fire exit, his ears to the phone and speaking in a low voice.

He waits for the call to finish before approaching Jihoon.

"You gave me a fright!"

"Sorry," Seungcheol says sheepishly. "I just wondered where you went."

"My mum called," Jihoon replies, showing his phone. "She was asking whether I'm coming home this month."

"We'll have a bit of a break next week. You should go home."

"That's what I told her," Jihoon says. "Congratulations, by the way. Although I totally expected that long ago."

Seungcheol sits on the top step, and Jihoon does the same. It's very reminiscent of the night they decided to break up, except there is a gap in between them now.

"I'm sorry, Jihoon."

"What for?"

"I thought that news might upset you."

Jihoon breathes in heavily. "Does it upset me? Hmmm… come to think of it, it really doesn't."

Seungcheol watches his reaction, eyes flitting in between Jihoon's as though hoping to catch a semblance of lie there.

"Really!" Jihoon insists, eyes crinkling in a wide smile. "Well. I thought it would, but I genuinely feel happy for you two."

When Seungcheol still looks like he doesn't believe it, Jihoon adds exasperatedly, "As I've told Jeonghan hyung, I have eyes. I see that you make each other happy, in ways I haven't seen before on you. I knew all along you're the right fit."

Seungcheol reaches out to hold his hand. "I know you had a hard time because of me. I'll always be sorry for that. And I'm thankful that you're still here as my friend."

" _Best_ friend," Jihoon smiles. "And I'm okay. At least I can say that confidently now: I _am_ okay. It just took me a bit longer. If you're worried about that, please don't be. Pursue your happiness. You don't always have to put other people before yourself."

"You too. Thank you, Jihoon," Seungcheol says sincerely, gripping his hand.

"Now, before we get all sappy here, let's get you back to your _boyfriend_ ," Jihoon quips.

Seungcheol laughs at that and pulls Jihoon up. They return to the conference room, to the members chatting amongst themselves. Seungcheol sits beside Jeonghan again.

Across the room, Soonyoung looks anxiously at Jihoon. Jihoon smiles reassuringly at him. He sits beside Soonyoung and squeezes his hand under the table.

"All good?" Soonyoung asks.

"All good," Jihoon says. 

They don't let go of each other's hand until the meeting is adjourned.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm honestly not very confident about this work, let me know what you think? ><
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
